Grieving is a healthy and natural healing process. It is not a sign of weakness. For most people, grieving follows a pattern which proceeds through a series of stages; however the loss may have occurred. Since each of us is different, not everyone will experience every stage, or proceed at the same pace, or with the same intensity of feelings. The best way to confront loss is to recognize it, understand the feelings and reactions you experience, and get support during the grieving process. There are five basic stages of this process.
DENIAL
A period of numbness and shock usually follows a major loss or death. This stage allows a person time to absorb what has happened and begin to slowly adjust to the reality.
ANGER AND GUILT
As shock wears off, grief gives rise to a variety of feelings, including anger. You may be feeling deep anger at the perpetrators of this terrible crime, at service providers for not responding as quickly as you hoped, even anger toward some of your friends and family members, or at God for letting a bad thing happen. You may feel unreasonably responsible for your loss or guilty about what you imagine you could have done to prevent it. You may even feel guilty for some of your other feelings.
SADNESS AND DESPAIR
Loss can bring varying degrees of sadness, loneliness and yearning. Your feelings may be so overwhelming that you try to avoid them. But tears, sadness, thinking about your loss, or other expressions of grief are not “breaking down”; they are essential for healing. Reaching out to others is a key way to lessen loneliness and overcome depression.
ACCEPTANCE AND HOPE
Gradually accepting your loss and adjusting to the changes it brings can give you hope for the future again. These changes take time and may be painful; they’re also a chance for personal growth.
AFTERMATH
Just when you think you “should” be over your loss, reminders can plunge you into another wave of grief. Although this may continue for months or years, the waves usually become smaller, less frequent, and easier to deal with over time.
The Employee Assistance Program is a joint program of the company and the TWU.
In Tulsa you can call 292-2464 or email lela.french@aa.com to make an appointment or talk with the EAP Manager, Lela French, by phone to discuss what may be right option for you or your family member.
Steve Koster
TWU EAP Coordinator
Local 514
can be reached at 918 671-5141